


Judas

by upset_elcor



Category: The Walking Dead
Genre: F/M, Negan begins to have a soft side, Power couple in later chapters, Rebecca helps kill Glenn and Abraham, This is very AU, basically Harley and Joker without the abuse, implied almost-rape in the first chapter, smut in chap. 5
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-06
Updated: 2017-09-07
Packaged: 2018-12-12 02:24:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 16,810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11727546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/upset_elcor/pseuds/upset_elcor
Summary: Rebecca Waters wasn't sure exactly how she found herself in the Saviors warehouse, in a strangers leather jacket and covered in blood and brains. But she was there, and once she got settled in, she loved it.Flex fandom oc Rebecca Waters. Named after Lady Gaga's "Judas".





	1. Negs

Wandering.

That was almost all she had known for so long, painfully long. The apocalypse struck and she ran, as far as she could go.

Running.

That was the other thing she knew, and that was begrudgingly. In between running all the time and having little to no food, Rebecca was dying. Literally. She was skin and bones, ribs showing and all.

But I suppose that's what the apocalypse does to you, right? So when a biker gang offered to pick her up and give her everything she wanted- new clothes, food, water- she happily agreed to go with them. Maybe she was delirious from no food, and it wouldn't surprise her. Going with men she didn't know was a mistake. But after a year of the dead walking, Rebecca didn't think anything could be worse than putting her friends down before they could tear into her.

When they arrived at the garage, Rebecca was given a place to sit and recoup.

"Claimed," Billy said after a moment. They all stopped and looked at him, then to the woman who was scarfing down some pinto beans.

"Billy, that ain't right." Said Joe, frowning. But the others seemed on-board for a show, and he was outnumbered. "Fine."

~

After a few days of staying with the Claimers, Billy made his move. Rebecca was writing something in a notebook and he walked over, nudging it out of her hands.

One thing led to another and she lay on the ground, bawling as he tried to work her belt off. She had been screaming and crying for help, but none of them did.

Then there was a loud bang as the door swung open, hitting the wall. "excuse me! Did I walk in on something?" A man yelled, unfamiliar, as he approached the scene. "What were you doing to this little lady here, hmm?" He asked Billy.

Of course, the Claimers didn't know the Saviors. So Billy didn't know what was wrong. "Just gettin' what she owes me for that can of beans, man."

"Huh. As far as I'm concerned, rape is a bad, BAD fucking thing to do! Isn't that right, Dwight?" 

A man with shaggy blonde hair nodded and the brunette grinned, almost maliciously as he took of his leather jacket and handed it to Rebecca. "Here darling, put this on. You're gonna wanna keep that pretty damn chest of yours clean."

As Rebecca was scrambling away to put the jacket on, Billy was kicked to the ground, and without a second thought, the stranger crashed a baseball bat covered in barbed wire into his skull. It was brutal, and blood splattered across Rebecca's face as she watched in horror. The jacket was zipped up, easily too big for her small, underfed frame. The stranger took the liberty of a few more swings before walking over to Joe. "What the hell man, why did you let that happen?"

"I- its how it works here. He claimed her."

"CLAIMED?" The stranger roared with laughter before turning in an instant and shoving Joe against the wall by the neck. "Women are not fucking property. Just for what I happened to hear on this lovely run of mine, you'll just have to give me something for the trouble."

"Take the girl, then." Joe wheezed.

"Oh, I already am. I want something property wise... how about this bike?" He asked as he dropped Joe from the hold and ran his finger tips over the gas tank.

"No, you can't. That's the only one we have."

The stranger stopped in his tracks and looked back at Joe, slowly raised his bat to point it at Joe's face. "This is Lucille... she's badass, and I will NOT fucking hesitate to punish those that don't listen to what I say!" He snapped, watching blood and brains drip off of the bat like they had been for a few minutes or so.

"F-fine! Take it and go!" Joe stammered, and the stranger grinned as he walked back over to Rebecca.

"Alright sweetcheeks, we gotta go." He offered a hand to her and helped her back up before looking to Joe. "Don't forget, it was Negan that turned your friend here into a corpse." He said, before leading her, Dwight and one other out with the bike. When they got outside they found that there were plenty more people than that. An RV was parked there with men unloading tons of canned goods into different cars. 

Negan looked at Rebecca. "I'm real sorry that jackass tried that. But aren't you glad the Big Bad came to save the day?" He asked, a predatory smile spreading across his lips. She shrunk away from him, saying nothing. He sighed and stopped smiling. His white shirt was drenched in Billy's blood, but he didn't seem to care. "Look, where we're goin' is safe. That won't happen again, I promise ya. Now do me a favor and hop in the RV, alright? I've got places to go."

Rebecca listened, walking over to the RV and stepping in. It was well kept for an apocalyptic vehicle, she noticed. She sat on the couch and watched Dwight climb into the drivers seat and start the engine. No sooner than they began to drive, she heard the motorcycle start.

Maybe she was done running. Maybe she was done wandering.


	2. Sorry, Brad!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rebecca finds out why Negan is so respected and feared.

The Saviors base was huge and bustling with life, despite the walkers at their doorstep- quite literally. They didn't seem to mind, but she did. That was utter insanity, something that she would live in fear because of.

The RV stopped and she looked around, feeling like a lost puppy. Where was this 'Negan' man? He seemed to be the leader around here and she felt comfortable with him, seeing as he had saved her from a life changing event. As if on queue he stepped into the vehicle. 

"Alright buttercup, we're home. C'mon." He said almost sternly and she stood to follow him. As soon as he could see that she was behind him he began talking. "We pull our weight around here little missy. By the looks of it though, you couldn't pull a sack of potatoes. I'll let you off the hook until you gain some fat for those bones but that don't make you special." He paused as a door was opened for the two. "I was gonna go get myself some more liquor but you were screamin' up a storm in that damn garage. Gonna be walkers all over those guys soon. Hah, they deserve it." He stopped and looked at her. "Now, what's your name?"

Rebecca wasn't sure if she wanted to lie or not, but decided against it after watching a piece of Billy's brain fall out of Lucille's wire. "it's um.. Rebecca." She said, voice hoarse from the 'storm she screamed up'.

"Rebecca hmm? Damn, only other Becca I ever met had a bitchy personality." He laughed a little. "Yea, Lucille took her too. I don't really like hurting ladies, but damn, she just rubbed my damn balls the wrong way!" He leaned back on his heels with the same predatory smirk from earlier, and Rebecca frowned a little. "Hey, I won't hurt ya. You seem like a good kid-" he ruffled her messy blonde hair. "well, are you even a kid?"

"No sir, I'm thirty-four." She answered, hoping that speaking in a similar fashion to the others he spoke to would get her out of the conversation.

"You're THIRTY-FOUR? Well goddamn! I never would have guessed! Ya look twenty, honey." He said, winking before turning around. "Gideon, find her a room and take her there. And get her some clothes, maybe see if my wives can donate to this pretty lady." Without waiting for an answer, Negan walked away. The man she presumed was Gideon gently tugged on her elbow to lead her away, as if scared Negan would rip his head off for touching her the wrong way. Rebecca didn't know any better, but assumed Negan enforced bad behavior similarly to what she experienced earlier. She didn't want to get on his bad side- no, not by a long shot.

Gideon's first stop was at a room full of women. They all looked at Rebecca with pity as Gideon explained the situation and donated some clothes for her. She felt dirty, taking clothes from them, but she knew a green jacket, red flannel and white tank wouldn't be the best outfit every single day. She liked variety.

Next stop was a clean room where he opened the door for her. "Just uh... get changed and then hand me the jacket." He said, and she nodded. Rebecca didn't want to speak, frankly, and for good reason. She closed the door behind her and changed quickly into a grey longsleeve and comfortable sweatpants. It felt like neither of these things hadn't ever been worn, but it didn't surprise her. The women had been in black dresses, so they were likely in those types of clothes more often than not.

She opened the door and handed Gideon the jacket, mumbled a quick thank you and closed the door again. She was hungry but wouldn't bother asking for food; she was fucking terrified at this point. The only person who seemed trustworthy was Negan and he was busy. So why not just sleep? That seemed like her best option. So she laid on the bed and pulled the covers up to her chin, closing her eyes. The exhaustion finally hit her in that exact moment, and she was out like a light.

~

it felt like an eternity had passed when Rebecca finally woke, only to see Negan staring down at her from where he sat on her bed. Her first instinct was to get away, and she pushed herself away.

"Jesus, you look like a fucking deer in the headlights!" He laughed slightly and shook his head. "Anyways, I brought you some food. Made by yours truly." He winked again and handed her the plate. As she began to eat he began to pellet her with questions.

"How long were you with them?"

"Three days."

"How long were you alone before that?"

"11 months."

"Damn, you mean this whole apocalypse? Where's your family?"

"My mother had vacationed to Italy with her husband and my father died of cancer when I was fifteen.

He flinched at the word cancer, which she noticed. "I see..." he mumbled. He stared at the ground momentarily before looking back up to her. "Listen, what that guy was trying to do wasn't right. But right now I'm a man short. As soon as you're up to it, I'm tossing you in the pit to see how you deal with the biters, alright?" He asked, but it was more like a 'this is what's gonna happen, and you're gonna like it' kind of sentence.

"On one condition."

"Speak up then darling."

"I wanna know why everyone is so scared of you. I mean.... obviously you have no issue uh, punishing bad behavior."

"You know, you're just in time. Finish up eating. You got a weak stomach?"

"I had to skin a walker to smell just as dead as it once, so no."

"Well damn, babe, I just got the biggest fucking hard-on."

~

So it turned out someone had tried flirting with one of his wives, which were the women in black.

Negan led Rebecca to a catwalk and told her to stay there as he descended the stairs to a fireplace with a man standing in front of it. "Alright buddy, you know I don't wanna do this. But Amber just happens to be mine and NOT yours, so I just have to. Gotta establish dominance over you fucking animals." He looked around at those who had congregated.

"Why, exactly, do I implement rules?"

"To stay alive," was the unified answer that came from the crowd, and she watched, rooted to the spot.

"And when someone breaks those rules, well, there has to be a punishment so everybody knows EXACTLY WHO IS IN CHARGE!" Negan finished the sentence in a harsh shout before putting some gloves on.

"I'm sorry, man. But this is the end of your pretty boy face." He said before taking the iron from the other man. "Sorry, Bradley. Have to." He said before pressing the still red iron against the man's face. 'Bradley' screamed in agony, and Rebecca had to turn away. This... this was monstrous. Soon, the screams stopped and Bradley fell to the ground. "Doctor, check on your new patient will you? I have some business-" he looked up at her. "To attend to."

The doctor walked over as Negan climbed the stairs to get to her. "So, does that answer your question?" He asked, invading her personal space as he stood mere inches away from her and ran a finger across her jawline.

"Yea, it does." Rebecca answered, biting her tongue to hold back the rest of her comment.

"Good, go back to your room then. I'll bring you dinner later."

As she walked back towards the room, she whispered the rest of her comment.

"And you're a fucking monster."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this isn't the best but it's fine,,,
> 
> The next chapter will see the tail end of a 6 month-long skip so we can catch up to the current time line faster. Figured I would warn the like... one person reading this.


	3. He Cries

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Negan is thinking over what happened a year ago.  
> *minor spoilers for Here's Negan*

Rebecca found that living with the Saviors had its perks and was comfortable. While there were strict rules and harsh punishments, it was a good life if you lived it correctly.

After proving her skills, Negan had personally assigned her to be the head of the main gates watch.

It didn't take a goddamn rocket scientist for people to see the clear favoritism, the favoritism the Big Bad himself didn't even notice. He thought he was just giving a poor girl who grew up in Brooklyn a chance at life again. But honestly... She had her own room, was one of the first to eat, was on almost every mission she wanted to be on- Hell, Neegs hadn't touched one of his wives in a few months now.

Rebecca had begun to catch on to Negan's humor, becoming his left hand woman with Dwight as his right hand man. Anywhere Negan went, Dwight and Rebecca were in tow. If Negan wanted to drink, they were his drinking buddies. If he wanted to go kill some walkers, they were given weapons to join in. Hell, sometimes, Negan let her use Lucille. That was the big break for everyone to be able to tell. She still remembered the day he taught her to properly swing a bat, clear as day. It was the day they found one of the old Claimers, Harley.

~

"Alright darlin', hold your hands together nearer the bottom- yup, right there." Harley was tied against an old bar chair, with the red scarfed, leather jacketed man teaching his counterpart how to kill one of the men that almost let her get raped. "Now, when you go to swing, you gotta see his head like its a baseball, and you gotta hit it out of the fucking park."

"Can you explain a little more?" She asked with a sly grin, and he complied happily. He stepped behind her and put one gloved and one free hand over hers. If it weren't for the fact this was Negan, it would be considered intimate.

After a few practice swings on decorative kegs, Rebecca was ready. Or so she thought. She couldn't stand the thought of killing the living, but the way he whispered encouragements in her ear pushed her over the edge and she finally took that first swing. The barbed wire tore at Harley's flesh, and the wooden bat itself caved part of his skull in, no doubt instantly killing him. But once she started, she couldn't seem to stop. The anger of his actions was taking over as she pulverized his skill against the counter, blood splattering her face until she looked like she had just gone toe-to-toe with a world famous wrestler- red like a squashed tomato, and just as angry as someone who had just lost.

"Now that was fucking sexy," Negan said with a smirk and raised eyebrow. He held out his hand and she gave him Lucille back. "my dirty, dirty girls. Lets go get you to a shower, hmm, Miss Michael Meyers?"

~

There hadn't been any time where the two found themselves alone together, but it was clear the attraction was starting to show from Negan. Rebecca had caught on, but was indecisive about how she felt; it had been obvious since the day Amber came to her door, thanking her for coming along since he left them alone now.

So the reasonable thing to do was make it all the much harder on him, right? His personality had rubbed off on her, and she found that it was true when he said "everyone is Negan". She was Negan with tits and a pussy.

Anyways, her way of messing with him would be to do her guard shift, but in the shortest shorts she could find. When confronted? "It's just a hot day. I can't be bothered to wear pants..." She would bite her lip then grin. "You don't want me to cover up, do you?" He would grin, chuckle a little and mutter an 'I suppose not' before walking away. She knew she was pressing every button he tried to keep everyone from pressing. It scared her, because she didn't want to go face to face with the iron, but it also exhilarated her.

Today, when he came out, he didn't bother to confront her. Just pulled a chair next to hers and sat down, not saying a thing. Lucille was in one hand, lightly resting against the metal floor. His other hand held a bottle of water, and reminded Rebecca how thirsty she was. Still silent, she opened her water bottle and took a drink from it, glad the shade had kept it relatively cold. A walker showed, and Rebecca raised her sniper, ready to take a shot. But a hand on her forearm stopped her. "Nuh-uh, Rebecca." Negan spoke, standing now. "Too loud. Let me take this one." He got down to ground level and walked over to the dead man, Rebecca calling off the other guards.

It seemed like Negan had a whole shit ton of pent up anger as he swung the bat into the walker's head over and over, reducing it to nothing but blood.

When he came back up he gave her a look, and it was a look nobody could ignore.

"Gideon, take my place for me. I'll be back." She jumped down and followed him into the base and up to his room, where he took his jacket off and sat on his bed, defeated.

"What is it, Neegs?" She asked, sitting next to him and softly touching his elbow. When he didn't push her away and pull his arm back, she took the sign. "Come on. You can tell me."

"Did I ever tell you why I named my bat Lucille?" He asked quietly, turning his head to look at her.

"No, sir-"

"Enough with that sir shit. I thought we were friends, Becca."

"Sorry."

"I named her Lucille after my wife. She passed when this all started. Fucking cancer." The words fell out of his mouth like they were vomit. Quickly and loudly, as if he couldn't control his own voice.

"Oh my God, I am so fucking sorry... I didn't know.." She suddenly felt bad for all the times she playfully kissed his cheek, or the times they casually talked about fucking. He was still grieving, or so it seemed by his mood today.

"Don't be." He said. "It's been a year now and I just.. Really got to thinking today." He paused. "I'm not... bad, am I?" He asked.

Now that was debatable.

"No. You aren't. You deal out rewards and punishments on your own terms, and there is nothing bad about that. Why do you ask?"

"I never wanted to be the bad guy. Did you know I was a coach before this? A salesman? And now, I iron peoples faces for flirting with women I don't even like." He laughed bitterly as a mixture of sweat and blood dripped off of his face and onto his hand.

"How about you get cleaned up, alright?" Rebecca said, trying to change the topic. "It can't be healthy to have all that walker blood all over you." She said, shaking her head.

"Why don't you join me?"

"No- Negan, I am not taking advantage of you."

"First off, sweet-tits, there's nothing to take advantage of. I'm not sad, just thinking. Second, I didn't mean like that. I just need help with my back sometimes." He chuckled as he stood up. Six months ago she wouldn't have joined him- hell, she would have been sitting in her room crying like the little bitch she was. But it had all changed now. She trusted him like she would a family member or lover.

"Fine then, lover boy." She teased weakly, and he chuckled again as he walked to the bathroom. There was no hot water, so cold showers were something the had become used to. She followed him, and noticed as he took off his shirt, a healed scar from a bullet. "Neegs? How did this happen?" She asked, pointing at it. He turned around with a questioning look and she saw there was on in the same place in the front. A clean through shot. 

"This?" He grabbed her hand and made her touch it- God, the man didn't know what personal space was- to which she gasped at the sudden movement. "Some people don't like the work I do. Took one for the team about a month before I picked you up from the fucking dirt." He said, and she nodded in understanding.

The rest of the time was quiet as they both undressed. Negan kept his gaze averted in respect, especially after what he had saved her from.

She just looked at his ass. Cause for a man, he had a damn good one.

They both stepped into the shower and he turned so his back was to her. She took the hint and began to lather a rag in soap. "Tell me about her. Lucille, I mean."

"Why?"

She began to wash. "Because I want to know more about her. About you."

"Ah..." He said, then sighed heavily. "Well... she was my highschool sweetheart. Funny, cause I ended up teaching at a high school when it all went wrong."

"What do you mean?"

"I was having a fucking affair. When she was diagnosed with cancer I broke it off but... it just took too long. I wish I would have known. I wouldn't have left her alone all the time if I did." He said, quietly, as if trying to fend off tears. Rebecca never would have thought that Negan would cry, but as he turned around to face her (and let the water wash away the soap), it was clear just how hurt he was by his loss. Without thinking, she enveloped him in a hug, blocking out the soft whimpers.

"I'm sure she still loves you, Negan. With all of her heart."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it doesn't seem that Negan would cry but do keep in mind, he apologized like crazy when Carl started crying. So imagine like that except somewhat intimate with a woman.


	4. KindieGarden

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now it's Rebecca's turn.

It had been a few days since the shower Rebecca and Negan shared, and she was still riddled with questions about... everything. But she could understand that he would come to her on his own terms, and she could respect that. Perhaps she could tell him her story; let it be known to him just how much she truly trusted him and cared.

She looked up from her hands, as she had been sitting on a chair and staring down at them. She... she cared about him. That would be a given of course, but this was more than a friendly type of care. When she thought of it, it finally made sense how scared she would get, seeing him run headfirst into a settlement, or into a pack of walkers.

She shook her head and stood, wringing her hands together. It was foolish to care for a man like Negan, even if it was clear he cared for her. He was psychotic, and could kill her in the blink of an eye.

But, come to think of it, that was part of his charm. You didn't know if he was gonna kill you, but if he didn't, then you knew he trusted you. And Rebecca couldn't believe she was attracted to that.

But his smile was perfect, his teeth somehow still white despite having no such thing as toothpaste. His nose was just adorable, something she wouldn't mind kissing... among other things. His light stubble was even attractive, and she had never been into men with beards.

Maybe she was looking too far into it, letting the other day control her emotions. That's what she would write these feelings pressing down on her chest off as. Just leftover pity and sympathy. 

Rebecca had been a fairly good woman before this all. Single, so there couldn't be an affair. The worst thing she had ever done was swear at a cashier, and now she was willing to snap a mans neck at a moments notice. Negan was changing her, and not for the better. But did she care?

Fuck no.

Life was luxurious- or at least, for the apocalypse. And oh my God, he made the best goddamned spaghetti she had ever tasted. Not even authentic Italian restaurants could top his recipe, whatever it was. Shame they weren't around anymore. He could give them some real pointers.

As if on queue, there was a light tapping on her door. She knew from the pattern that it was the red-scarfed devil himself.

"Come in," she called after sighing a little. Would she tell him what she thought? Probably not.

He stepped in and closed the door behind him, carrying a plate of that damned spaghetti. He knew she loved it, so when she saw it she knew he wanted something. "What's up, Neegs?" She asked as he handed her the plate and she sat back down. Today she wore jeans and a tank top.

"I just... have a few questions. I told you about what I did before all this monkey-ebola bullshit, now it's your turn." He sat down on her bed and leaned his elbows on his knees.

"Alright, what do you want to know?" She asked, avoiding eye contact as she spun some spaghetti around the fork provided.

"Your past. What your family was like, your job. That stuff."

God, it was like a million bricks dropped on her as she swallowed as if there was a pill stuck in her throat. There was a reason Rebecca never divulged in her old life, and this was it. It was too hard for her to even begin to think about it. "Ohh... well..." she stopped and looked over at him. He was in casual wear, too. A white tee shirt, somehow not stained from working with spaghetti sauce. The man had balls to work in such a color of shirt. His hair was a little messy, suggesting he had woken up from a nap or something and decided to interview his third-in-command.

"Well... family life was okay. Like I said, my dad passed away when I was fifteen. Uh, lung cancer. Mom remarried about two years after that to a guy named James. He was okay, but he wasn't necessarily right in the head-"

"Like me? Like us?"

"Not particularly. He was narcissistic. You and I are more on the psychotic side of the spectrum, and I, by the way, fully blame you for influencing me in such a bad way." She winked playfully, trying her best to change the topic. However, Negan was a persistent man and would get what he wanted one way or another. She may as well just spill.

"For most of my twenties I was more on the party side of life. I wanted to have fun instead of work like I had done non-stop for thirteen years. I went places with my mother and James a lot, saw how many countries I could get drunk in before I had to actually sort out my life. When I finally settled down and went to college, I decided to be a kindergarten teacher. I worked so damn hard for that, and almost cried when I was accepted for my internship," She laughed a little before she realized she was starting to cry a little. To hide it, she turned her head so she was looking at the spaghetti and blinked the tears away. When she looked back at him, he still had that curious look on his face.

"So where were you when it all when down?" He asked.

"I was in class." She watched his expression go from curious to what seemed to possibly be sadness? Horror?

"The first walker I ever saw was principal Thomas. He came into the room, and before we could even register what was happening he had torn into Clara Wright, a little blonde girl. It turned into chaos as more walkers started to come in. Mrs. Jefferson, the janitor- I barely escaped with my life. The children weren't as lucky. None of us knew what was going on, and all we could do was run and not look back." This time she couldn't blink back the tears and one by one, they began to trail down her cheeks. "I got to my car and tried calling my mom. No answer. So I went home, packed a weeks worth of clothes and followed where the radio guy said to go.

"When I got to Atlanta it was packed, and the military vehicles weren't helping much with that. Before I could even enter the safe zone there was some sort of outbreak inside. On the way out, my car was hit. Ever since, it's been me, an old, ratty green jacket and a knife. An occasional gun here and there but I was never good at shooting. Most teachers aren't." She chuckled bitterly and sighed. "I couldn't save those kids, and I think that's why I went with the claimers in the first place. I felt guilty, and was hoping they'd feed me to a walker to save their own tails. But then you came in, swept me off my feet and now I'm rotting in a bedroom. Woe is me." She tried to end it on a light, joking note, but that didn't stop the tears that had made their way down from her chin and dripped onto her blue jeans.

He suddenly stood and walked over to her. Kneeling, he looked her in the eyes. His hazel ones betrayed not a single emotion, while her own hazel eyes were an ocean of sadness, regret, anger- all emotions that tied in with what she deserved to feel.

"You know those kids weren't gonna make it in this world, honey. You and I both know that, so why beat yourself up?" He didn't break his gaze, but spoke again. "Nevermind, don't answer that. The fact of the matter is, you did what you could and I'm sure of that. You're a strong fuckin' woman and you probably would have given your life to protect them had you have known. Don't let the events of the past effect you to this day." He stopped for a moment. "You, Rebecca, are sexy as shit, and you know how to handle yourself. Instead of letting that all get you down, fight for those kids. Stay alive so that they know they didn't die in vain; so that they know, when they look down, Ms. Waters is still alive and kickin'."

Rebecca smiled a little, a broken smile she hadn't worn for a while. "You know just what to say, Negan." She mumbled, and he grinned.

"Oh, I always do baby." He stood up and offered out his hand, to which she took it and pulled herself up. But he had been ready to pull, unaware she would as well, and they ended up chest to chest, him looking down at her and her looking up at him.

In that moment, Rebecca Waters had never been so sure of something. And she was sure of this one thing- What she felt for Negan was real, realer than anything she had ever felt before.

It only took mere moments for them to realize the way they stood and were. But neither of them wished to move.

And of course, it was him that started it all.

Rebecca had wondered what stubble felt like, but wasn't about to grow a beard. But when he kissed her? She knew. Not like she cared anymore, though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hah more out-of-character Negan because I would like to perceive him as a very kind person to those he actually cares about lol


	5. Sensations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rebecca forgets today and finds two surprises outside, as well as one inside the shower with Negan.  
> Smut at the end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLA RAD  
> I WROTE 2.5K WORDS
> 
> So its a rollercoaster of shit and ends with smut. It's not great but I knew I had to post something for fucks sake lol

Alright, how does one admit that they've hopelessly fallen for a psychopathic sociopath? It isn't easy, Rebecca found, and she hated it.

So maybe it wasn't necessarily love, but there was something there, no hiding that. She carried it with her every day. A week had passed since they kissed, and while he didn't acknowledge it, she knew he thought about it like she did. For an apocalyptic world, he had soft lips. He was also very gentle about it, not like how Billy had tried to force himself onto her. It took Rebecca by surprise, for sure, but she wasn't complaining. Her twenties were mostly one night stands with random men after about seven glasses of whatever substance was on sale that night at the bar. It was honestly pathetic.

But now... now that barrier had been broken and Rebecca could have some fun.

While Negan was showering she snuck in his room and grabbed his jacket. It was so, so on.

When he found out his jacket was gone, Negan immediately went to Rebecca's room.

"ohhh, Beck~!" He called from outside her door. While she had stolen his jacket, he could still respect her privacy to an extent.

She opened the door, an innocent smile on her face. That was the first sign that it was with her; Rebecca- HIS Rebecca- wasn't anywhere near innocent anymore. Yea, he had gone as far as to think of her as his. He would hurt a man for trying anything with her, so that was definitely something to go off of.

"Would you happen to know where my jacket is?" He asked, looking down at her with a raised eyebrow and a smirk.

"No sir, haven't seen it anywhere but on you lately. It's gotta be hot wearing a leather jacket all the time, babe." She winked and began to close the door, but he stopped her with a hand on the door.

"Then you wouldn't mind if I came in would you?"

"Of course not." She opened the door wider and he grinned. Now she was just playing with him, and for once, he liked being played with. He stepped in and surveyed the room, surprised to find the jacket absent. Perhaps she hadn't had taken it and was being honest. "Let me just go to the bathroom real quick." She said before walking to the room attached and closing that door. While she was in the bathroom, he looked around. She had made it a very homey place; a photo of a blonde woman with the same hazel eyes as Rebecca. Next to it a small apple with a fake worm growing out of it, glasses and all. In terrible handwriting, it said "To miss waturs" and he realized it must have been from a past student.

Rebecca didn't realize the particular date it happened to be, as she had been so focused on trying to make sure Walkers didn't breach the perimeter and put the civilians in danger. Negan had been fishing information from her for a while, and had a surprise for the blonde. 

She stepped back out of the bathroom, basically waltzing her way to him- in his leather jacket. He grinned, perfect white teeth showing as he did. "Oh, you fucking vixen." He chuckled, standing up and approaching her. She put her hand on his chest, the only thing separating them being the white cloth. Negan, frankly, didn't like this. He knew Rebecca had some sort of feelings for him, and deep down her knew he was in the same boat. But he would _never_ admit that shit. Instead he would push it away and pretend she was just another fuck buddy. A wife with enough privileges that she was allowed to go on runs, have her own room, eat dinner first, even go into his room if she so wished. He hadn't told her that, though. He had no reason to, not just yet.

"Sorry, what was that?" When she didn't get an answer, she grinned. "Found this jacket just draped over a chair, can you believe that? Real leather, just left to rot. How dumb of the owner."

Rebecca was playing a dangerous game and she knew it. But she could do almost anything to him with no repercussions, and she knew that too.

"How about you return the jacket to its owner before he has to take it off of you?" This time she was without words and he advanced with the predatory grin. "I won't lie, babe, you look absolutely delectable in that. But I really need that jacket back; today is a BIG day for us!"

She still didn't answer and he closed the distance, a gloved hand taking the zipper in between two fingers and pulling it down. He was surprised to find nothing but slightly tanned skin, exposed cleavage and the cutest goddamn belly button he had ever seen. With a sharp gasp, he looked away. "Please, sweetheart. I promise I'll give you whatever you want later, but this can't wait all day."

"Oh fuckin' fine," Rebecca said as she tossed the jacket to him and began to dress with her back to him. He watched knowing it meant a lot that she had offered herself to him, and he respected that. But the cold snap of November was outside waiting for her. Sure, snow wasn't a big deal. But to her it might be.

"Alright, I'm ready. Let's go outside or whatever," she grumbled, walking past him. As she did, he grabbed her wrist and pulled her to him. He was met with a squeal of surprise, and he approved. 

"Doesn't mean I can't give you a taste." He said before cupping her face in his leather-clad hands and kissing her. It was by no means soft, rather rough and almost needing. A hint at what was to come.

After what felt like an eternity they split, feeling breathless on either end. "Been a long time since I've been kissed like that, Negs." She said with a grin before continuing on her way.

"My room," He instructed, and she raised a nicely trimmed brow. His room? For what? "I know you know where it is." A bit of anticipation bubbled in her stomach. 

After a five minute silence, which was comfortable, mind you, they arrived at his door. He turned the knob and stepped in.

On his bed sat a wrapped box, the size of a shoebox. It was in christmas paper, but she didn't mind. He was hovering behind her, watching her reaction. "Whats the occasion?" She asked, not turning to look at him.

"Happy birthday to you," he began to lowly sing, somehow still sounding gravelly as his hot breath hit her neck. "Happy birthday, dear Rebecca..." he paused, coming closer and planting a kiss on her neck. "Happy fucking birthday to you."

She shivered at the sudden contact and took a step forward, hands clutching the box. It had a good weight to it. She began to unwrap it, slow and careful. Finally down to what _was_ a shoebox, as initially intended, she lifted the lid.

Inside sat a leather jacket, clean. Almost brand new, except for one loose thread. Under it, an iPod she had been eyeing in the shop type area. "Negan, I-" She couldn't finish as tears welled in her eyes and her mouth went dry. She had forgotten her own birthday, but he remembered it. She looked up with a huge smile, tears now falling freely. She seemed to be the only one gifted with the kind side of Negan, and considered it a gift in itself. Now a jacket and an iPod? God, she was fucking spoiled.

He grinned and stood in front of her. She stood and wrapped her arms around him in a tight hug. She wasn't much shorter than him, so this was an easy task. She sniffled a little before backing up. "Thank you. I'm sorry for crying, I just... haven't been treated so nicely since before the apocalypse."

Negan shook his head. "Don't worry. I'm just being a good fucking person." He said. "Put it on," the demand came and she excitedly did so, feeling it snug around her. Perfect size. He guided her to the door once more, and she started to pummel him with questions.

"Where did you find this?" She asked, still in awe.

"On a run."

"How did you know it was my size?"

"Well, darlin', I did some fucking snooping while you were showering once." He said, not looking at her or changing his tone at all as they approached the door to exit the compound.

In front of her sat snow.

Real snow.

It had been so long since she had properly seen snow that she actually screamed with joy and ran straight into it. "Oh my God, Negan! This is so amazing!" The waterworks were turned back on and she grinned, touching the snow with a bare and outstretched hand. She hissed and pulled her now cold fingers back, but was still grinning.  
He slowly trudged into the snow as if it was a big deal to him and stood beside her. She grinned, holding some snow in her left hand. She wrapped her arms around him for a kiss, and as she did, she splattered the cold, crystallized precipitation into the back of his carefully slicked back hair. When he realized, Negan growled and grabbed her bicep, deepening the kiss ever so slightly, biting at her lip almost painfully.

Then in an instant he was backed up some and swung Lucille on the surface of the snow, causing a large amount to go flying right at her. She squealed as she covered her face, and when he looked back up, she was gone.

For a moment panic was the only emotion he felt until he heard a feminine giggle. When he looked down he saw her laying in the snow, hair splayed out in every which way. She was grinning like a madwoman and he looked at her curiously- how could she stand the cold substance on the back of her head like that? He had no clue.

"Join me," she asked, looking up at him with that grin still plastered on her lips. Despite was his subconscious was screaming, he laid Lucille down and then laid next to Rebecca. She was more than happy to see her leader get down for her. Her eyes flickered with an emotion even, the big bad, couldn't place. 

After laying there for what felt like forever, he helped her up. "Come on, lets go get you a shower." He said, and she looked horrified. "What, didn't you know we turn the water heater on for the winter?" He asked, and when she looked dumbfounded he cackled. "Well do I have a fucking surprise for you!" He exclaimed, one hand holding Lucille over his shoulder and the other on the small of her back as he led her back into the compound. She immediately noticed how much warmer it was in here and pitifully tried to warm her fingers with her breath. He chuckled at the attempt and kept on his way until they reached his room.

At the prospect of a shower, Rebecca stripped with not an ounce of hesitation and walked into his bathroom. This time it was his eyes that followed her ass, and he felt an appreciative groan rising in his throat.

Goddamn, this woman would kill him.

He stripped down as well and walked into the bathroom to find her patiently waiting for him to turn the water on. He realized this and did so, before turning back to the woman.

She looked his now nude body up and down, seeing every scar, bruise and cut from runs she wasn't on anymore. "Like what you see?" He noticed her staring and did what he loved; leaned back on his heels, successfully pushing his hips out in the process. She couldn't help but notice what he had meant now.

Negan wasn't overly large, but he definitely wasn't small. There wasn't a name for the middle ground that could come to her conscious as she looked at him. "Oh hell yes I do." She said, standing and approaching him. Before she could reach him though, he stopped her.

"Ah ah ah," he tsked, pointing to the shower. It was starting to steam up and such now, and she realized how she craved warmth, whether it be his or the showers.

She stepped in, easily able to fit two more people. He joined her from behind. "How about I wash you hair for you, hmm?" He asked, and she nodded. After properly wetting her hair with a groan of relief at the warm water, he pressed his body against hers, causing her to take in a sharp gasp like he had earlier. He was hard, she could tell. Did he really lose control over something as simple as a naked woman?

Frankly, she didn't care.

He proceeded to lather soap into her long blonde locks and she closed her eyes with an absent smile. The way he did it was so gentle in comparison to how hard he would hit a walker. Or how he would press an iron to a mans face with no hesitation. 

When he was done, she spun around to look at him. Just by the look in his hazel eyes, she knew what he wanted. She grinned.

"What do you want Rebecca?" He asked, teasing her.

"You know what I want."

"I do, but I would like to hear it."

She didn't hesitate. "Alright, I want you to pin me against this wall-" she patted the wall, "and fuck me." She said. He was slightly surprised by how bold she had been but didn't let it shake his gaze.

He picked her up in his strong arms and pressed her back against the cold tile. They were so damn close...

And then he pushed into her.

She had apparently already been drenched, and not from the water, she realized as he easily slid into her. Jesus, she felt almost embarrassed that _he_ had the effect on her that she was mentally laughing about.

She was jerked out her thoughts when teeth nibbled at her neck. He had barely moved, only slightly bending to nibble at the sensitive flesh of her neck. Then the reality of the situation hit and she realized the emotion she felt was desire. Her arms went around his shoulders and she pushed her hips forward as much as she could, though it wasn't quite much. He groaned against her skin, an almost primal groan. "Just _fucking fuck me you fuck_." She said and he happily obliged.

Soon the bathroom was filled with wet, slapping sounds as their hips met time and time again, as well as moans and soft cries of pleasure. Negan was quiet except for shuddering breaths, not looking up at her, instead keeping his attention on her neck. She had begun to play with her own nipple, as he had his hands occupied keeping her up.

It didn't take long for the sexual high to claim them both, and she swore she heard a soft, quiet moan from him. It was then that she remembered Amber's words,

_"Thank god you came when you did. Negan hasn't touched any of us in weeks now._

Was it true? It would explain why he let a sound slip up; he hadn't found sexual release for a long while, but neither had she.

He set her back on her feet and gave her a wolfish grin.

"Happy fucking birthday, Beck."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy birthday to Becccaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
> 
> I would also like to give a huge thanks to the writer alreynolds13, after reading their fic I felt inclined to write mine. I also feel that after reading it, I might have a better feel for how Negan is despite already knowing. Still keeping him a softie around Becca, though.


	6. Emergency

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's an emergency when a new group arrives, and Negan isn't too happy.

The first couple days of the biting winter air had been actually amazing to Rebecca, while Negan didn't really give half of a shit. He knew seeing her happy made him happy and it was pissing him off. He loved Lucille, yet he went behind her back and hurt her. There were two reasons he was unwilling to admit the feelings had grown claws and sunk in.

One, that would ruin his macho image. Love wasn't something Negan found to be a word in his vocabulary, but he didn't quite think this would go away.

The other reason was that this apocalyptic world wouldn't quite care for love. If it wanted to claim the blonde, it would. And could he really stand having to put Rebecca down? He couldn't even look at his late wife after she was turned. He had to have someone else kill her. 

Perhaps he could distance himself from her, stop talking to her. He didn't want to hurt her. But, then, distancing himself would hurt her even more.

He sighed with his indecision, head in his hands. The snows effect on Rebecca had worn off and she went back to her daily life; guarding the main gates, getting dinner. Visiting him for a while before heading back to her room to go to bed. It was a system she could live with, for sure.

But now that the snow was beginning to melt, she was getting more and more insistent on being around him. He wasn't complaining- she was gorgeous and knew how to make him smile. But at the same time, each time she flashed a smile like the ones he would, the predatory ones, he fell even deeper. 

Fuck, did Rebecca even feel the same? Negan wasn't sure, honestly. He hadn't bothered to ask.

The current situation wasn't necessarily a situation, as he wasn't surrounded by people. He was in his room, alone.

Until there was a quick, sharp knock on the door.

"Fuck!" He grumbled, walking over and opening the door almost venomously. He saw Rebecca there, and part of him was relieved. "What is it doll?"

"There's been an emergency. Some new group of people blew up Gideon and everyone." She was obviously rather upset by this news; Gideon was one of her friends.

"Wait, _what?_ " He asked, storming outside of his room and right past her with Lucille in hand. "They killed my fucking men?!" He roared, standing in front of Simon, who had come to deliver the same news.

"Yea, must have been with something high caliber too. They were all just burnt to crisps." He said, a small smile on his lips. He didn't like Gideon at all; mind you, he also strongly disliked Rebecca. "And... Tina, Dwight and Sherry are gone."

This obviously ticked Negan off, as he tightened his grip on Lucille with a low growl. "Assign her to post A to keep an eye out for those scumbags. Get John and a group of men to fucking scout. They don't just _get to leave_." He didn't even look at Rebecca before walked away- well, stomping, like a toddler. He acted like a big toddler sometimes.

Simon grabbed Rebecca by the elbow and tried leading her away, but she kicked him in the back of the knee, causing him to fall to the ground in pain. She turned the tides, grabbing his arm and twisting it. 

"You don't get to fucking touch me, you worthless sack of meat." She hissed, keeping him how he was. "He said to assign me somewhere. Not to fucking touch me. And frankly, I don't want your grimy hands anywhere near me! So tell me where the bikes are and I'll go. Hell, if you're a good boy about it, Negan doesn't need to know you even touched me."

Simon was actually scared of this woman, as much as he wouldn't admit it. She mirrored the boss and his personality perfectly, and likely wouldn't hesitate to kill Simon. Wouldn't even blink. "Alright, alright. Garage B4." 

She spun on her heels and walked off, back to her own room.

It was then that he noticed she was in a leather jacket. Now that was no coincidence. Her and Negan were together more often than not, and now she was wearing a leather jacket almost identical to his? What was next, a red scarf and barbed wire bat? He pulled himself up from the ground and looked at where she had been holding him. It was definitely going to bruise.

~

Night had fallen by the time Rebecca arrived at the outpost. She had rode the motorcycle through the day without stopping at all, not to drink, eat- nothing. She was driven by the same anger that had Negan out searching for Dwight and Co., and there was nothing anyone could do. She commanded an air of respect, which was clear when people began to ask things with one reoccurring word.

"Do you need water, ma'am?"

"Was the trip safe, ma'am?"

"Is Negan okay, ma'am?"

_Ma'am._

That wasn't a label she was used to and she wasn't sure she liked it either. She was only screwing Negan. Nothing more. She wasn't wife number five, just a savior with dick privileges and feelings involved.

"Fuckin'' Christ, everything is fine. Negan is looking for Dwight and his pussy crew and I was sent here to keep an eye out. Bring me some beans, I'm taking watch tonight." She said. She knew they would obey. Bring her beans then leave her as the only one up there, and she was looking forward to being alone. She had to sort how she felt for Negan, and couldn't do that here with people watching. Not if she cried. She couldn't do it at the compound, either, though, because Negan found it to be his business to visit her whenever he pleased. It wasn't always meaningless sex, though. They talked sometimes. About their old families. Jobs. 

Negan loved kids, hence why he had become a coach. When asked why he didn't have any, he shrugged, and said 'affair'. She could see how that was a fair answer in the circumstances given. Get one pregnant and the other would be pissed.

Negan was a man with layers. There was the exterior of a cocky, arrogant sociopath. Then the man who just wanted people save. Go a little deeper and you would find he was just another man. Even deeper, and you would fall in love.

That was what she felt. The warmth in her chest when he called her a pet name or when they kissed. It was all crystal clear to her, as if she had just been given glasses after being stuck with bad vision for thirty five years. _Love._ Rebecca _loved_ Negan. The man who had no issues killing another man or mutating another man. 

But he was also the man who saved her and showed her there was still good in this world.

She sighed and put her head in her hands.

"Ma'am?"

"Fuck- please just call me Rebecca. I can't do this ma'am bullshit."

"Why not? Don't you see why we call you that?" The man speaking paused. "You and the boss have got something. So we gotta treat you nice too, ya know? That, and you've saved our asses time and time again. You may think you're just Rebecca, but to us, you're just as high up on the respect ladder as Negan."

She paused her thoughts to listen to him. "What do you mean?"

"You're obviously his favorite. First off, you're sleeping with him and you aren't a wife-"

"I am not slee-"

"Simon heard it." He interrupted. "You get sent to outposts instead of doing laundry. You have a shotgun, not a knife. Hell, you got a leather jacket just like his. Excuse me if this is rude, but open your damn eyes. He loves you." With that he left, the beans sitting next to the chair she was in.

~

Negan had been doing some searching in himself during the search for the three missing people. He knew he should focus but he had John and his men with him, who would willingly die to keep Negan safe.

He had been boiling with anger earlier, but now that it was a simmer he was able to think. He obviously cared for Rebecca, hence why he sent her to one of the safer outposts. Especially after shit had gone down at the Hilltop- he had requested Gregory's head, and wanted it soon.

Perhaps he cared about Rebecca so much because she reminded him of himself. Not afraid to take a stand, not afraid to punish as seen fit.

But what he could no longer deny was that the emotion he felt was definitely love, and there was nothing he could do anymore. That was where he stood, and he would tell her that.

But not today.

 _NEGAN!_

His walkie talkie interrupted his thoughts and he picked it from his belt. "What, Simon?"

 _We're under attack back here!_

Negan sprung into action. "Shit. Fuck. Alright, radio all the other outposts and tell them to get back to defend. Leave the lieutenants there but send the rest. NOW!" 

When there was no answer he knew Simon had listened. Maybe Simon could take Dwight's place. 

But what about Becca?

Goddamnit, she was like a fucking plague. Always on his mind. Alright. Right hand man, and right hand woman. It's not like there was really an order to things anymore, that he knew.

"Alright, John, I'm leaving half of your men. Keep searching. The other half with me!"

~

It didn't take long to reach the compound, but it was long enough that the attackers were gone. The first face he saw was Simon's, and he had to admit, he was a little disheartened.

"Damage report."

"There were fifty three deaths. Outpost A was wiped before everybody could get out." Simon kept his eyes trained on the ground. "Those who did make it were still injured. They're in the medbay. I don't know if she's with them."

"She has a name, and its Rebecca. Treat her with some fucking respect, Simon." Negan said as he made his was to the medbay. He felt sick and dizzy. What if it happened again? The very thing he feared, losing more loved ones? 

It was hard to focus as he opened the door. There were four people there. A man with brown hair, two men with black hair and the one person he had been looking for. A blonde.

Dr. Carson was looking over a gash in her arm, likely from a knife by the looks of it. She had blood on her face, in her hair and on her jacket. But, fuck. She was alive, thank God.

He walked over to the two and glared at Dr. Carson. "Is she okay?"

"It was a deep stab. She needs stitches." He said. "But she wanted to wait for you to be here." He didn't meet his leaders gaze, just started prepping.

"There's no anesthetics anymore, you know? So I figured if I had you with me, I could just squeeze your hand 'til I break a finger or two. No big deal, yea?" She grinned and held her free hand out. It was her left arm that was being stitched, and her right hand that was held out. He took her hand with furrowed eyebrows. "Oh don't act so inconvenienced Neegs. It's not bad to hold hands with a girl," She teased, sticking her tongue out. There was something she had to say, he could tell by the look in her eyes. But she wouldn't spit it out, not just yet.

Soon, she was being stitched up. She hadn't lied about squeezing- but she didn't break any fingers. It was painful, but he had stitches once from his bullet wound and knew that shit was a pain in the ass.

When the procedure was finished she down a glass of water with a couple painkillers.

"These will make her sleepy," Carson said, handing Negan the pill bottle. "It would be best if you stayed with her, Negan. She might accidentally tear the stitches in her sleep." He continued as he wrapped some medial tape over a gauze pad on Rebecca's arm.

"Ooh, I get to spend the night with Negan~" She said in a sing-song voice, and grinned. "Thanks doc, you did real good. Barely felt a thing!" She lied with a huge grin. 

She began to walk towards the door, but Negan lingered. "I swear to fucking God, Carson. If she had died on this table because you let her wait..." The look on his face was so hostile that the hair on the back of the doctors neck stood on alert. He then walked over to join Rebecca and they walked to his room together.

"Why did you want to wait for me?" He asked, a void of emotion in his voice.

"Because, dumb shit. We're in this together. We're a team. There's no Beck without Negan." 

His heart swelled when she said that and he sighed shakily. "We need to talk." he said as he opened his door. She stepped into the room, one she knew like the back of her hand now. He closed the door and motioned for her to sit down. She did, and he joined her.

"Look, Becca. You've been like a fucking plague in my head. I can't stop thinking about you. When I heard outpost A was wiped I was fucking terrified, alright? I thought you were dead." He sighed as he looked at her hands which were in her lap. "I just... I can't lose you Rebecca. I love you." 

This made her snap to attention and she looked at him. "what?" She asked, sounding dumbfounded.

He looked up at her, that soft stare on his face. The one she had only seen once, when she told him she had to leave a class of five year olds behind. "Yea. I couldn't bring myself to believe it. But the fact is, I do. I didn't want to, because you don't deserve this-"

She cut him off. "I love you too." She said, staring at him like he had just grown another head. 

"No fucking way. Wouldn't have guessed from how you make sure you see me every day."

"Oh shut up. Maybe I was being a good third-in-command."

"About that, you're being promoted. You and Simon are my right hand men now. Fucking Dwight..." He growled and stood up.

She waited for a few minutes before speaking up. "So what does this revelation make us, then?"

"I don't fucking know, sweetheart. What do you want to be?"

"well, I'd love to be your girlfriend." She answered, almost nervously. It had been nearly a year since the compound had become home, and she still felt like she could jump out of her own skin here.

He turned and approached her. "Well, then I suppose we'll just have to seal that deal, hmm?" He asked, and she nodded.

"Careful on the arm, though."

"I may be a lovesick puppy when I'm around you, but I have common fucking sense."

She laughed and pulled him down for a kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided the leader of the bikers would be Gideon since I couldn't find his actual name.¯\\_(ツ)_/¯  
> So I know everything is moving really fast, but I want to properly catch up in timeline. That means there wasn't a slow burn for the Nebecca/Regan ship, but it'll start to slow down soon. The next chapter will be mostly setting up for that one time that Glenn lost an eyeball.... then his life.


	7. Planning the Attack

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Dwight is found and properly punished, he's tasked with making Rick stop his pathetic games. But he fails, as does Jiro. Negan decides to take matters into his own hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter might not be up to 2k words as it's more a planning chapter.  
> I want the next one to be at least 3k since its the scene in the clearing.

Planning proved to take its time.

Rebecca had been there for Negan each time he needed her, and over the days, he found that she began to act like him. Moods switching without a single indication, and ready to kill a man if seen in the wrong way. Perhaps he had changed her too much, but at the same time, he loved the way she was. She mirrored him in every which way.

It had been a few weeks since she had been injured, and Rebecca was getting restless. She wanted to go on runs, kill walkers and such, but he wouldn't allow it. 

"You're hurt. Now sit down, doll." 

She would grumble and follow his orders, pulling up a chair to sit with him and go over the plan.

Finally, they had decided to block roads to all the other settlements and put up guards at each to alert them if Rick's group came through. It was a long time waiting but the sweet joy of knowing they could get revenge- Rebecca could avenge Gideon- it made the waiting bearable. Her and Negan often spent time together more, unintentionally falling harder and harder. Negan was awkward about it all, as he didn't know how to feel or react with love.

When Dwight was returned a few days later, Negan gave him a choice. He dies, or his wife does. Until his wife popped out an idea; be Negan's wife. Rebecca didn't see any problem with it since it would save lives, and she knew Negan didn't give a damn about his wives anymore. Not with a hot-ass girlfriend who could kick ass and still make the best damn chili out there.

The night of Dwight's facial burning, Rebecca had made chili. While she hadn't majored in cooking, she easily utilized the food from the garden into an amazing meal that lightened everyone's mood. It lightened Negan's so much that he used a little extra power and plugged in a jukebox so everyone could have fun while him and Rebecca snuck off for their own needs.

But now was the time to shine. Rebecca had risen to be just as respected as her partner, yet still acted humanely.

She barked commands left and right, using Lucille to point people in the right direction as they loaded things into trucks for the impending attack on Grimes and his group. Negan sat back and watched, a lazy grin on his face. He watched how she commanded, or the way her ass looked when she shifted her weight from foot to foot- goddamn. Rebecca was a sight to behold, and he was more than happy that she was his.

After the loading, it was a matter of waiting. Waiting for the walkie tuned to Alpha to buzz to life.

And when it did, so did the base. While it was too late into the night to make the trip, it was also perfect timing. Get some freaky deaky going on, as Negan jokingly called it, then sleep for a few hours. When they would wake it would be time to go, Negan hopping in the driver's seat and Becca into the passengers, they would discuss how many people there were there, and who would likely be the one to go. Negan had all intentions of killing the man, and Rebecca would watch so she knew what to expect if ever faced in a situation without him. 

The two had talked about somber topics, such as his life expectancy not being the best. People didn't like him and for good reason. He killed people so they would remember who he was.

Another topic that came across was something he brought up after she talked about being in class so long ago and remembering wanting kids. He had seemed somewhat inconvenienced and she asked what was wrong. Negan admitted the true reason he never had kids, that being that he was, of all things, sterile. It was why he loved children, but never had any. He wanted to adopt but him and Lucille hadn't been in the best situation, and she wouldn't until he stopped cheating. It surprised Becca to know his wife had known of the affair and not left.

They also talked of other things such as things they could and couldn't do. Becca could sing, Negan could write. Becca could swim, and Negan was one of the best drivers anyone knew back then.

The hour of truth was upon them, and soon, they would know who Rick was.


	8. The Reckoning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The clearing was never going to be the same again.

The RV felt cold and empty. Rebecca knew the drill. Kill one to show superiority. And she was fine with that. But the fact was, there was a kid in that group. What if Negan picked him? That would cause hell for not just him and the group, but him and her. But by the way he had assured her it would be okay, she believed him.

The RV came to a stop, and as it did, she stopped him. "Promise me, Neegs. Please."

He looked at her, looking down somewhat because of the slight height difference. "I promise you, Rebecca." He then looked ahead. "Let's go!" He said and stepped out of the RV, Becca right behind him. The cool spring air hit her cheeks and she sighed. But then... then that part of Negan that had rubbed off on her kicked in and she grinned at the sight of the people lined up on their knees.

"We pissing our pants yet? Oh boy, do I have a feeling we're getting _real_ close. It's gonna be pee pee pants city here real son, right doll?" He turned to Rebecca, and she nodded.

"Fuck yes."

He looked at the line of people. "Which one of you pricks is the leader?"

Dwight spoke up, motioning towards a man with wet, stringy hair and a beard. On either side of this man were women. The kid was nearer to the end of the lineup. "It's this one," He said. "He's the guy."

"Well _thank you dwight!_ You actually did something good for me!" Negan then turned his attention to the man and began to speak. "It's Rick, right? I am Negan, this is Rebecca-" He motioned to her. "and we do not appreciate you killing our men," he paused for a moment. "Also when I sent our people to kill your people for killing our people, you killed more of our people. Not cool! Not fucking cool. You have no fuckin' idea how not fuckin' cool that shit is but I think you're going to be up to speed shortly." He looked back at the blonde to see her with her arms folded, one hip cocked out and most of her weight on her right foot.

"Yea... You are so going to regret crossing us in a few minutes." He grinned that sadistic grin with a silent chuckle. "Fuck yea you are. You see, Rick, whatever you do, no matter fuckin' what, you don't mess with the new world order and the new world order is this. And it's really, very simple. Even if you're fuckin' stupid, which you very well may be, you can understand it. You ready? Here goes, pay attention.

Give me your shit or I will kill you. Today was career day. We invested a lot and you know who I am and what I can do. You work for me now. You have shit, you give it to me, That's your job. Now I know that is a mighty big, nasty pill to swallow but swallow it you most certainly motherfuckin' will." He turned to Rebecca once more, and she nodded. She enjoyed his speech more than she would admit.

"You ruled the roost. You built something. You thought you were safe. I get it. But, the word is out, you are not safe. Not even fuckin' close. In fact, you are fucked, more fucked if you don't do what I want and what I want is half your shit. And if that is too much you can make, find or steal more, and it will even out sooner or later. This is your way of life now, the more you fight back, the harder it will be. So if someone comes to your fucking door, you let us in, we fucking own that door. You try to fucking stop us, and we will fucking knock that fucker down."

He swung Lucille a little. "You understand?" Negan paused, waiting for a reply. He stepped forward and cupped his hand to his ear, leaning down slightly. "What? No answer?" He stood straight once more and ran his hand down his stubble. "You don't really think that you are going to get through this without being punished, now, did you?

"I don't want to kill you people, I want to make that clear from the get go. I want you to work for us. You can't do that if you're fuckin' dead, now can you? I'm not growing a garden. But, you killed my people, a whole fuckin' damn shitload of them, more than I am conformable with and for that, well, for that you have got to fucking pay.

"So now, I am going to beat the holy fuck, fucking, fuckity-fuck out of one of you with my bat." he paused once more and twirled Lucille a little, then held her out to let them all see her. "This is Lucille. Lucille has barbed wire wrapped around the end of her, and its fucking awesome. All this, all this is just so we can pick out which one of you gets the honor." He looked at a ginger and stroked his beard again. "Ugh, I gotta shave this shit." He then continued walking.

Negan then crouched in front of the boy, and Rebecca visibly paled. But he dimply spoke. "You got one of our guns." He said, grinning. "You got a lot of our guns." He continued to stare. "Shit kid. Lighten up. At least cry a little." he looked over to Becca, back to the kid then stood, tucking his shirt into his pants slightly as he walked, effectively showing the hand gun he had there. 

He looked at one of the women and tilted his head. "Jeeeesus, you look fucking shitty. I should just put you out of your misery right now."

"no, NO!" Someone yelled, a young Korean man as he lunged forward. Dwight grabbed him by the back of the shirt and kicked him while the women screamed for him to stop.

"Oh, well, get him back in line." The leader of the Saviors grinned again and turned to face Becca, seeing that she was still standing the same way from before and had color in her face again. "Alright, listen, don't any of you do that again. I will shut that shit down, no exceptions. First one's free, it's an emotional moment, I get it."

There was a long, pregnant silence as he looked over them all. "Sucks, don't it? The moment you realize you don't know shit." He looked at Rick then Carl. "This is your kid, right? This is definitely your kid-"

Rick finally spoke. "Just stop-!"

"HEY! Do you not make me kill the future serial killer, don't make it harder on me! I have a promise to keep with my little lady over there, but I have got to pick somebody. Everybody's at the table, waiting for me to order." He whistled as he walked, giving Rebecca a look. She stepped towards him as he stopped walking.

"I simply cannot decide...." He stopped, and sighed. "I got an idea." He shoved Lucille into Rebecca's hands. "You pick, sweet tits. You've seen it, now you can do it."

As Rebecca stepped forward and looked at them all, she sighed. Jesus, that was a lot of pressure. But she couldn't deny him. She finally picked her target; the ginger. She didn't like how he seemed to be the big, dumb brute. And if there was an uprising, he would be a problem. She stood in front of him and nodded to her lover.

"Anybody moves, anybody says anything cut the boy's other eye out and feed it to his father and then we'll start. You can breathe, you can blink, you can cry, hell you are all going to be doing that."

Rebecca held the bat over her head before swinging it down straight onto his skull. There was a chorus of gasps, and she laughed. "Holy shit! Taking it like champ!" She exclaimed as he pulled himself back up.

"suck... my... nuts..." Abraham wheezed, and Rebecca laughed. Now that she was properly given control of the situation, she laughed, and with each exhale of the laugh, her good morals flew out the window.

"Swing harder, doll."

She then continued to hit the man over and over until he was nothing but a body. She handed the bat back to Negan and he practically cackled. 

"Did you hear that?" She giggled, looking to Simon, then Dwight until her eyes finally landed on Negan. "He said, 'suck my nuts'! That's a peachy and pleasing offer, but IIIII think I'll pass. I got a perfectly good pair right there." She pointed to Negan. 

As Negan backed up, Daryl sprang to his feet and went after the one thing Negan would really get pissed about- Rebecca. He clocked her right in the jaw and she stumbled backward, reeling from the hit. Two of the Saviors grabbed Daryl, and that was when Negan properly lost it.

"NO!" He shouted angrily, eyes blazing with a fury not even the Devil himself could drop on Earth. He ran towards Daryl as he shouted, pointing Lucille at him. Dwight walked over to Rebecca to check on her as Negan kept talking. "oh, no..." He backed up and turned his back to them to look at her, gloved hand carefully touching the red mark that would likely swell and bruise from the hit. He then walked to where Daryl had been thrown to the ground and squatted.

"That, well, THAT is a no-no!" He snapped with a psychotic grin, trying to pretend he didn't lose it over the hit. "That, that whole _fucking thing_ will not fly!"

Dwight stepped forward, ready to kill Daryl. "Want me to do it?" He asked. "I will, right here." Negan grabbed Daryl by the hair, looked at him and made his verdict.

"Nah..." he said. "You don't kill them. Not until you've tried a little." Dwight nodded in understanding and dragged him away as Negan stood. "Anyways! That's not how it works. I already told you fuckin people. First one's free, then what'd I say? _I said I will shut that shit DOWN!_ " He smirked. "No exceptions. Now I don't know what kind of lying assholes youve been dealing with, but I'm a man of my fucking word. First impressions are important- I need you to know me..." He stopped and looked over them all. "So! Back to it." He turned around without a single blink and hit the Korean with the already bloodstained Lucille.

Another hit and he rose to his knees, eye falling out of his socket and covered in blood, mumbling incoherently.

"Buddy, are you still there?" He waited as the man made more gargled noises. "I just don't know. It seems like you're trying to speak... but you just took a hell of a hit! I just popped your skull so hard your eyeball just popped out... and it is gross as shit!"

The man ignored Negan. "M-Maggie, I'll find you.." He managed and Negan looked at the woman identified now as Maggie.

"Hell. I can see this is hard on you guys.I am sorry. I really am... But I did say it. No exceptions!" He said gleefully and he bashed the man to a pulp, much like Abraham.

"Hell, you bunch of pussies. I'm just getting started." He finally backed off. 

"Look at this! My dirty girls! Lucille, well, she is thirsty. She is a vampire bat! And, well Becca, she's just a vampire. Those delicious marks under this scarf say that!" He exclaimed, grinning as he rocked back on his heels. He was met with nothing but sobs. He crouched in front of Rick. "What, was the joke that fucking bad?" Lucille was drenched in blood, and some had gotten on the leaders face. 

Rick spoke once more. "I'm gonna kill you," He said as he looked away. 

"What?" Negan asked, tilting his head. "I didn't quite catch that, you're gonna have to fucking speak up." They locked gazes before Rick talked again.

"Not today, not tomorrow, but I'm gonna kill you."

Negan sucked on his teeth. "Jesus. Simon, what'd he have, a knife?"

"He had a hatchet."

"Aaaaa hatchet?" He chuckled and licked his lips. "Simon's my right hand man. Having one of those is important- I mean, what do you have left without 'em? A whole lot of work. That's why I have two." He motioned to the now blood covered Rebecca. "She's my other one." He grinned again. "You have one? Maybe one of these fine people still breathin'?" He paused. "Ohh, or did she.." He imitated a knocking noise as he slowly moved Lucille to the side. He sighed. "Sure, yea. Gimme his ax." He took it from Simon and put it on his belt before ripping Rick up by the collar of his jacket. 

"Come on Becca." He said as he dragged Rick to the RV. "Be right back, maybe bring Rick with me. If I don't, well, we can turn the rest of them inside out. I mean, the ones that are left." He said as he threw the man in the RV and stepped in, Rebecca following and slamming the door after glaring at Daryl once more.

Negan threw Rick against the wall and proceeded to lodge the hatchet in the table as Rebecca went to the passenger seat of said RV. Negan sat in the passenger and tried starting the RV. "Ah.. come on baby, lets go for a ride." He said, trying again. "Ugh, piece of shit." He chuckled. "I'm gonna kill you... are you fucking kidding me? You see what just happened, what I just did? You just- hmph..." he sighed. "Your best chance is to stand up, grab that ax and drive it through the back of our heads. See how you do." He stopped. "Yea, keep acting tough. Go ahead, grab the damn ax."

Rick did and in an instant Negan was up with an AK pointed at him. "Drop it," He ordered, and Rick complied. Negan hit Rick in the gut with the butt of the gun and leaned down to pick up the ax as the other dropped down, wheezing.

Negan slammed the ax into the table. "Don't make me get up again," He warned, turning to look out the window. Rebecca was watching intently. "Well look at that! Dawn is breakin'. It's a brand new day Rick!" He then sat back down. "I want you to think about what could have happened. What did happen. And think about what can still happen. He started the RV and began to drive.

A walker hit the window right in front of Becca and she laughed, looking back at Rick. "Remind you of anyone you know?" 

He found a good spot- "found"- and stopped, leaving Rebecca up there again as he walked back to Rick. Honestly, she was spent.

Negan sat down, ax in hand. "You are mine. The fucking people back there, they are mine. This?" He pulled the ex up to Rick's vision. "This is mine." He stood back up, walked to the door and opened it. Killed a walker, then tossed the ax. "Hey Rick... go get my ax. Let's be friends." Another walked approached, and Negan once more killed it. Losing his patience, Negan spat in Rick's face, "Get. My. Ax."

The leader of the survivors finally stood and stepped towards the door, to which Negan threw him out and slammed it. He then went and sat back with Rebecca, listening to Rick shout as he was either eaten or fought.

"You didn't have to kill the second man," Rebecca whispered.

"What, and let you have the spotlight? Honey that is not even fucking close to how this works and you know that. I am the leader first and foremost and they need to know that."

Rebecca could feel anger welling in her chest and knew this would be the argument that was bound to come. "He was fucking innocent, Negan! He didn't deserve that! And what about that woman, huh?" She snapped, standing up and glaring at his still sitting form. "He obviously meant a whole fucking lot to her, and you just ripped her away! How would you feel if you had to watch my skull get bashed in by a bastard in a leather jacket with some fucking baseball bat he was crazy enough to _name after his dead wife?_ "

That was it. Now Rebecca, of all people had pushed his buttons. His gloved hand roughly grabbed her by the jaw, specifically where she had been hit. "You do not fucking control me, Rebecca Grace Waters!" He snapped, standing at his full height. He wasn't much taller but an angry man could tower over someone even an inch shorter than him. His eyes were blazing with anger. "I brought you in out of my good fucking nature. I could have let you get raped. But instead I took pity on you. I dragged your skinny worthless ass out of the dirt, gave you a place to stay- and in return, you fucked my brains out! Fair fucking trade right?" He laughed.

Rebecca looked appalled and backed away from him, and he grinned.

"Bet ya thought you were all going to grow old together, sitting around the table at Sunday dinner in the happily ever after. No... doesn't work like that Rick. Not anymore." he called through the ceiling when he heard footsteps up there. "Think about what could have happened." he said, staring at Rebecca.

~

On the way back, Rebecca and Negan didn't say a word to each other, the tension making breathing impossible.

When they got to the clearing once more, rick was forced back into his position. 

Rebecca was glaring daggers into his back. She was hurt in every way possible.

"Hey, Simon, you got a pen?" Negan asked.

The other hesitated, thinking, before he reached into his pocket and pulled out a black marker. He tossed it to Negan, who caught it with a smile. He popped the lid off and put it in between his teeth and walked over to Carl, who was on the ground. He rolled up his sleeve and began to draw on his arm, speaking. "Sorry kid, this is going to be as cold as a warlock's ballsack. Just like he was hanging his ballsack above ya and draaaaaaag... right across your forearm." Negan was forcing this option because he didn't think Rick realized the severity.

After a few minutes of the banter, Rebecca finally stepped in, shoving Negan away, hard. She wasn't all too happy.

"What the _fuck_ happened to leaving the kid be, huh Negan? I thought you were a man of your word. Or, at least that's what you told all these people. But of course, it's just one more ugly quality about you!" She jabbed her finger into his chest with her outburst. "You pretend to be such a good fucking guy, doing this for the good of the group so they know not to cross you. But what the hell is cool with murdering a man for punching someone? Not only that but you didn't even kill the man that punched me!"

"Because Rebecca, you know exactly why he had to die!"

"Why, because you wanna play fucking pretend and say you love me? If you did then what was that pathetic outburst in the RV when I confronted you, huh?"

He accepted his defeat and looked away. "Load up. We're leaving." He glared at Rebecca and stormed into the RV. 

Rebecca looked at them all. "Really sorry. But it had to happen. Go before he changes his mind." The look on her face betrayed how much she felt bad. She flicked her gaze to Abraham for a moment before turning around and walking to the same car as Simon.

Her shotgun lingered in the RV, but she didn't want to look at Negan.

The drive back was silent. Simon knew not to speak. And she frankly didn't want to.

The compound felt as empty as the RV the night before as she walked to her room. Her eyes were downcast the entire time, and she didn't bother doing anything for a while. 

There was a knock on her door, and she groaned. "Who the fuck is it and what the fuck do you want?"

"It's daddy," Negan called, seeming to think she would be fine.

"Fuck off." She snapped, but instead, he opened the door. She turned around from the wall she had been leaning against, trying to gather her thoughts. She still looked utterly betrayed and pissed beyond belief. "What, so you think that you can just tell me I was worthless and just a fuck toy?" She laughed. "No, douchebag. That's not how this works anymore. I have feelings, and you fucking hurt them."

"I'm sorry, alright? I was pissed. I thought it was right to kill Glenn because of Glenn's reaction, but now I see that it wasn't right. I was so excited in the moment that I didn't even realize. I came here to apologize.." He sighed a little and looked down. He didn't have Lucille. "Are we okay?"

"Not even remotely."

"Becca, fucking please. I'll do anything!" He pleaded, and she realized he was actually, genuinely sorry. His wife would hate him if she saw him. Rebecca couldn't do this to him.

She walked towards him and hugged him, tightly. 

"You can start by helping me convince Carson these stitches are ready to be pulled. Then, you're plugging in the TV, letting me pick a movie, making popcorn and watching whatever emotional movie I pick. If you fall asleep or complain, deal is off and I won't even look at you for the rest of our lives.

"Deal, princess."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was so hard having to listen to Negan and Rick speak and write everything they said  
> I wanted to go with swearing Negan so I went and listened to the uncut version then wrote it.  
> All of this was written by hand and they're cramping v bad but I like how it turned out I think


	9. Dark Things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Becca and Negan talk about their tattoos.

Tattoos weren't uncommon, but not something you always wanted to know more about. Every tattoo had meaning, and sometimes, the stories behind them were the things that could keep one anchored to Earth, while keeping their mind off of the impending death that haunted them. 

Rebecca had never asked about Negan's and he had never asked about hers; they weren't off-limits, just not something they really had time for.

Most of the time they were on the tips of their toes, ready to fight at a moment's notice. But now that Alexandria, the Kingdom _and_ Hilltop were under control with outposts at each, they could breathe. Everybody could sleep with both eyes closed. Kids could play outside. Families weren't in danger every time they took a step. Everything was peaceful for once, or at least as peaceful as an apocalypse could be.

Negan and Rebecca had taken advantage of it, using the time to sort themselves out and what they were to one another. The time had paid off for sure, because they were closer than ever before. They had sat down and told each other everything about themselves.

Except for what their tattoos meant.

Negan couldn't find a better time than when they lay in bed, naked and somewhat breathless.

"You never told me what that tattoo says, you know." He mused out loud, looking at where her head was resting on his chest. She looked up at him and smiled a little as he softly touched where the ink had been permanently pushed into her skin. Her smile only grew as she spoke.

"Te amo como se aman ciertas cosas oscuras, secretamente, entre la sombra y el alma." She said and he chuckled.

"Honey, I don't speak anything but asshole and English. You know that." 

At this, Rebecca laughed. "Right. It means 'I love you as certain dark things are to be loved, in secret, between the shadow and the soul'." She translated, her voice calm and gentle as she realized the words were truer than they had ever been in the exact moment she found herself in.

"That's beautiful. Why did you get it?"

"I don't know. The quote really spoke to me, so I went in and got it done." She traced his pectoral tattoo with her index finger, smiling. "What about you? You have a lot of tattoos."

Negan paused momentarily, thinking over them all. "Well, _Bisou_ is the name of the dog we rescued when I was a kid. I have a cross on each arm because I was a Christian, once upon a time. A skull on my chest, 'cause I wanted it. The last one is a dove. It was to symbolize Lucille when we first got married. She was my dove." He said, tone a little somber towards the end.

Rebecca was laying with her chin on his chest, looking up at him. "That's really pretty, you know. The symbolism. It means that you really cared, even with the affair and all that jazz." She sighed a little, then offered a smile. "And I'm sure she knows the reason you do all that you do."

He sighed a little. "Sometimes I think I'm doing it because it's the right thing to do. Establish dominance. But then I realize I'm just hurting people and think of her and what she would think if she was here, but that's wishful thinking." He started to softly run his fingers through her hair, thinking.

There was a long silence, a comfortable one, before he spoke again.

"I'm sorry for I acted when we found Grimes and his group. It was uncalled for." 

Rebecca stayed silent.

"I vowed to myself that I would protect you at all costs when I realized how I felt. You're really the only person I don't have to keep the big bad facade with. You let me be me." Still no answer. "I thought maybe if I could chase you away from me you would be out of the line of fire for anything. Seeing Daryl hit you- that really broke something inside of me." He sighed. "But you've weaseled your way into my head and heart so damned deep that you, Rebecca, are my reason now. I can sleep happy knowing you're okay. Sure, the world is ending. But at least when it comes time, I can walk off into the sunset with a gorgeous blonde at my side, knowing it was a hell of a ride. Just you, me, and some old cds from when civilization still existed."

She took her time processing the information before closing her eyes. She couldn't deny that riding off to the sunset sounded amazing, but she couldn't see it happening either. Life wasn't that fair, that easy. There would be a catch, and she would rather take her semi-hectic life over the unknown. Negan could be the person that she had been looking for her whole life.

Or he could be the opposite.

Regardless, she knew that there was only one thing that mattered, and it was living in the moment.

She sat up and stretched, peeking down at him to watch him stare at her still exposed torso. She waited for a snarky and sexual remark, but never came.

Instead, he sat up and wrapped his hands around her waist, resting his forehead just under her collarbone. "You're so beautiful, Beck." He murmured, pressing feather light kisses where he rested, but they weren't with sexual intent. Rather, joy and contentment. "Ever since I laid eyes on you I knew. I knew you were gonna be a hell of a commitment- someone to protect . Someone to love and to hold."

Her heart swelled at his words. "Neegs..." she whispered, running her fingers through his hair.

He chuckled quietly. "Love you, Beck." He said, a smile lingering on his expression.

"I heard it's raining." She said after a few moments, looking at him. "Ever danced in the rain?" The blonde asked, a smile playing on her lips.

"You so are not gonna get me to do that sweetcheeks."

"No sex for a month."

"Give me a second to get dressed then we'll tango."


	10. Just a Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was all a dream. A wicked, cruel dream.

_Pale pink light filtered through the curtains in the master bedroom of a three story house, causing a purple glow to paint the room. The bed was empty, made._

_A floor down was three people; a man, woman and a child._

_"Beck, darling, it's almost time to take Chase to school, c'mon." The man called out, met by a groan from the child._

_"Do I have to, Dad?" He asked, seeming pleading._

_A woman came in the room, wearing a yellow sundress. Her stomach was bulging, indicating one thing- she was pregnant._

_"Yes, Chase, you do. If you don't, then you can't be like Mommy and Daddy." She said, running a hand through her naturally wavy blonde hair as the man wrapped an arm around her waist._

_"She's right buddy. Go grab your backpack then we'll go get in the car okay?" He said, and the kid bounded up the stairs._

_"You know Becca, I think we did good with him. And I'm sure we'll do amazing with her too," He said as he touched her stomach slightly, a smile gracing his lips._

_"I know we will, Neegs." Rebecca answered, placing her hand over his. A gorgeous ring rested on her finger._

_It was the life Becca wanted- married with kids and a good house in the suburbs._

_Too bad it wasn't real._

"Becca, come on. Wake up, doll, we gotta get to Alexandria today." A large hand shaking her shoulder roused her from her picture perfect dream and she groaned as her eyes focused on Negan's salt-and-pepper beard and lips. 

"Fine, okay. I'm up." She sat up, shrugging his hand off of her shoulder almost coldly. This took the usually composed man off guard. He stood up and walked to the bathroom, combing his hair and putting a little gel in it to keep in smoothed back.

Rebecca didn't want to tell Negan about the dream. He wouldn't be happy.

Negan was an infertile man, meaning he couldn't have children. This had put Rebecca in a mood, even though she didn't realize it. 

Rebecca began to dress, a black tank top and her leather jacket being her clothing of choice, as well as some baby blue skinny jeans. The way he looked standing in the mirror getting ready to face his Saviors for the day was almost intoxicating. Shirtless and in his brown jeans. Perhaps she would care more if it weren't for the fact that she had just had what she wanted so bad at her fingertips.

"Ready doll?" He asked, knocking her from her trance. He stood in front of her, a respectable distance. 

"Huh? Oh. Yea." She said, running a hand through her hair. It was tangled but she didn't care. She couldn't care- her brush had broken. "I'm sorry for pushing you away like that." She whispered, looking down.

"Hey, it's okay. Do you wanna talk about whats going on up there?" He asked, pointing to his temple. "You know I'm here to listen to you no matter what."

The blonde sighed and sat down, hands in her lap. "It was just a dream." She said, frowning. He sat next to her, taking one of her hands in his own. "It was about us."

"Whoa, what? Then why are you so annoyed with me?"

"Its not you, persay." She replied, looking down at their hands. 

"Then what is it?"

"Well... I have to explain the dream. That'll tell you why."

"Okay, then go ahead."

"It was pre-apocalypse. We were married." She paused. "We had a son named Chase, and I was pregnant with a baby girl."

It hit Negan, and he understood immediately. "Oh.." He looked down. "I see. I'm sorry."

"I don't want you to feel bad Negan. It's just a dream."

"It's what you want and I can't give it to you," He said, frowning. He was used to being able to hand everything on a silver platter, so he was more than frustrated. "I want you happy and I can't make you happy if I can't have kids with you, right?"

"What- Negan, no! That's not what I meant! I love you regardless, I just think about it sometimes."

"I think I'm gonna make this Alexandria run without you, _doll._ " And with that, he left the room, leaving her shocked, tears pricking at her eyes.


End file.
